Tyler Jasper Tyler Jasper

Motherhood and Capacity: Embracing your Boundaries with Self-Compassion.

Motherhood is often idealized, portrayed as a blissful experience full of joy, love, and connection. Yet, the reality is far more complex. A crucial, often overlooked aspect of motherhood is the concept of “capacity.” But what does it really mean to have capacity as a mother, and how can understanding it empower mothers to navigate their journey more effectively?

Defining Capacity

Capacity, when it comes to motherhood, is about the emotional, physical, and mental energy a mother has to care for both her kids and herself. It's the ability to nurture, support, and meet her child’s needs while also making sure she’s taking care of her own well-being. When a mom understands and recognizes her capacity, it can lead to stronger, healthier relationships with her kids and herself.

It's important for us to realize that capacity is not limitless. It can be influenced by factors such as stress, mental health, and life circumstances. Mothers who acknowledge their emotional limits are better equipped to seek support, whether through friends, family, or professional help. Mothers often juggle multiple roles—caretaker, employee, partner—leading to fatigue and burnout and understanding your individual capacity means recognizing when to rest, recharge, and prioritize self-care. 

By honoring these limits, mothers can better serve their families and themselves. Recognizing when mental capacity is stretched thin can help mothers step back and reassess priorities. Techniques such as mindfulness, organization, and delegating tasks can alleviate the mental load.

If You Don’t Have Compassion for You, Who Will? 

Mothers often struggle with guilt or feelings of inadequacy when they feel their capacity isn’t enough. It’s important to practice self-compassion in these moments. Every mom has limits, and it’s okay to ask for help. Prioritizing self-care and accepting that it’s normal to have days when capacity feels low can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling motherhood journey.

Building Capacity

  1. Self-Awareness: Regularly check in with yourself to assess emotional, physical, and mental capacity. Journaling can be a helpful tool for reflection.

  2. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to commitments that drain your energy. Protecting your time and space is vital for maintaining capacity. A simple phrase I am learning to use is, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have capacity for this today, this week, this month, etc”

  3. Seek Support: Whether through family, friends, or professional resources, don’t hesitate to lean on others when needed. It’s important to know that family members can often be helpful in certain contexts and can be the thing that we find draining. It’s OK to ignore phone calls, or limit conversations with certain people when you are trying to seek support that will help you feel restored. This is where a therapist is super helpful. A therapist is your time and no one can disrupt your weekly hour. 

  4. Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care part of your routine, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. This can replenish your capacity over time. 

  5. Embrace Imperfection: Understand that motherhood is not about perfection. Celebrate small victories and learn from challenges. Listen, being a mother is no joke and we have to pace ourselves, we have to give ourselves grace, and we have to understand that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. We all try our best! 

Conclusion

Understanding capacity as a mother is essential for fostering a healthy, nurturing environment for both children and oneself. By recognizing emotional, physical, and mental limits, mothers can approach their role with more compassion and awareness. Motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs, and embracing this journey—capacity and all—can lead to deeper connections and a more fulfilling experience. Remember, it’s not about doing it all; it’s about doing what you can and being kind to yourself along the way. If you or someone you know needs support around the challenges of motherhood, reach out today. 

Thanks,

Tyler 

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Tyler Jasper Tyler Jasper

Redefining Self-Care: Embracing Self-Love Beyond the Cost

For me, self-love is about creating a lifestyle where you can truly listen to your internal and external needs. The great thing is, you don’t need money to achieve this! Many people struggle with the term “self-care” because it’s often linked to doing something that costs money.

Let me give you a real-life example from my own experience. As a mom, black woman, and a businesswoman (yay!), there are plenty of times when I feel overwhelmed and need some time to focus on myself. Just last week, I was sitting on my couch, and my body was practically screaming for a nap. But then my mind jumped to the idea of getting a pedicure. For a second, that sounded nice, but then I became overwhelmed by the thought of it. I had only two hours, and what if the salon was busy or the service was slow? I started worrying about not having enough time to start dinner, and the list of what-ifs went on and on.

Why am I sharing this? My body was clearly asking for rest, but I ignored it and had a knee-jerk reaction to “do something.” I think we’ve all been there, feeling like we need to be doing something, even when it’s not what we truly need.

So, think about how many times you do this in a day, week, or month. What if you made a commitment to really tune into your internal and external needs? I wonder what that could reveal for you. I invite you all to think about a name to redefine “self-care” for yourself. For me I use the term self-love, but that does not have to be for you. How will you define the way you restore your internal and external needs?

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You Can Have it All, but Not all at the Sametime: A Black Woman’s Perspective

In a world that constantly promotes the idea of "having it all"—a seamless blend of career success, personal happiness, and perfect relationships—Black women often find themselves at a crossroads of ambition and reality. The ideal of "having it all" can seem tantalizingly close, yet its pursuit frequently unveils a paradox: achieving many milestones while simultaneously grappling with a profound sense of something missing. This contradiction is not just a personal struggle but a reflection of broader societal dynamics that uniquely affect Black women.

The Illusion of “Having It All”

The ideal of "having it all" often paints a picture of a flawless life where professional triumphs, strong relationships, and personal satisfaction coexist harmoniously. For Black women, this vision can be both an aspiration and a source of immense pressure. We are frequently seen as symbols of strength and success, celebrated for breaking barriers and achieving excellence.

In the workplace, Black women are often high achievers, leading teams, innovating in their fields, and setting new standards. In our personal lives, we juggle familial roles, community responsibilities, and social engagements with grace. Social media and mainstream narratives celebrate these accomplishments, yet they can also create an unrealistic standard that overlooks the unique challenges we face. The reality behind the facade of "having it all" for many Black women involves navigating a complex web of expectations and barriers. While we often excel professionally and personally, the pressure to continuously perform can be overwhelming. The weight of these expectations, combined with systemic inequalities, can make success feel like a constant struggle rather than a reward.

The Paradox of Perfection

The paradox of “having it all” becomes stark when we consider the sacrifices and challenges that accompany it. For many Black women, this paradox manifests in several ways:

  • Exhaustion and Burnout: The pressure to excel in every sphere of life can lead to exhaustion. The expectation to be both resilient and invincible can mask the reality of burnout, as we often carry the additional burden of navigating workplace biases and societal stereotypes.

  • Neglect of Personal Well-being: In striving to meet external expectations, personal needs and self-care can take a back seat. Balancing the demands of career, family, and community responsibilities can leave little time for self-reflection and personal fulfillment.

  • The Weight of Representation: As one of the few Black women in many spaces, there is often an unspoken expectation to represent and advocate for our communities while also proving ourselves professionally. This dual role can create added pressure and feelings of isolation.

Redefining Success

To find balance within this paradox, it's crucial to redefine what "having it all" means from a personal perspective. This involves:

  1. Embracing a Multifaceted Definition of Success: Success should be defined not by a universal standard but by personal values and goals. Recognizing that achievement can be both professional and personal allows for a more inclusive and realistic understanding of fulfillment.

  2. Acknowledging the Fluid Nature of Balance: Balancing multiple roles is not about achieving a perfect state but about managing priorities and adapting to changing circumstances. Accepting that balance is a dynamic process can alleviate the pressure to meet an unattainable ideal.

  3. Prioritizing Self-Care: Self-care is essential for sustaining well-being. Making time for mental health, rest, and personal joy is not a luxury but a necessity for long-term resilience and happiness.

  4. Valuing Authenticity: Embracing one’s authentic self and journey is crucial. It’s important to honor our unique experiences and challenges without succumbing to societal pressures to conform to a narrow definition of success.

Shifting the Narrative

To create a more supportive and realistic narrative around "having it all," we need to:

  • Foster Open Dialogue: Sharing our stories and struggles helps to normalize the challenges we face and reduces the stigma around expressing vulnerability.

  • Support Diverse Pathways: Recognizing and valuing different paths to success and fulfillment can help create a more inclusive environment where Black women can thrive.

  • Champion Personal Choices: Supporting individual choices and defining success on our own terms allows for a more genuine and satisfying life journey.

The notion of "having it all" is both compelling and complex. For Black women, it represents a journey marked by significant achievements and unique challenges. By redefining success, prioritizing self-care, and embracing authenticity, we can navigate the paradox of having much while still seeking more. Ultimately, it’s about creating a life that reflects our own values and aspirations, rather than conforming to an ideal that may not fully account for our experiences and realities.

I invite you all to reach out to schedule a free consultation, or schedule an appointment with me a therapist who understands your lived experience. 

Until Next time, Be Well. 

Tyler 

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Strengthening Communication in Relationships: Tips from a Therapist

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Whether you're navigating romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, the way you communicate can make or break your connection with others. As a therapist, I've seen firsthand how improved communication can transform relationships, leading to greater understanding, deeper connection, and overall happiness. Here are some practical tips to help you strengthen communication in your relationships.

1. Engaged Listening 

Active listening is more than just hearing words—it's about understanding and empathizing with the speaker's emotions and intentions. Put away distractions like phones or computers. Focus on the person speaking, making eye contact and showing genuine interest. Summarize what you've heard and ask clarifying questions. For example, "It sounds like you're feeling frustrated because… Is that right?" Acknowledge the speaker's feelings, even if you don't fully agree with their perspective. Validating emotions helps build trust and understanding.

2. Communicate with Clarity and Integrity

Clear and honest expression is crucial for avoiding misunderstandings and building a strong connection. Frame your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, "I feel upset when…” rather than "You always make me upset. Instead of vague complaints, provide specific examples of what’s bothering you and how it affects you. Avoid raising your voice or using inflammatory language. Stay calm and express your thoughts respectfully to foster a constructive dialogue.

3. Practice Empathy

Empathy involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and understanding their perspective. Try to understand what the other person is going through and how their feelings and experiences might influence their behavior. Show that you care about their emotions and experiences by responding in a compassionate and supportive manner.

4. Address Issues Early

Waiting too long to address issues can lead to misunderstandings and build up resentment. Discuss sensitive topics when both parties are calm and can focus on the conversation without distractions. Address minor issues before they escalate into larger problems. This helps maintain a healthy and open line of communication.

5. Set Boundaries

Healthy relationships require clear boundaries to ensure that both parties feel respected and understood. Clearly express your boundaries and respect the boundaries set by others. For instance, if you need space to process your emotions, let the other person know. Understand that everyone needs some personal space and time to recharge. Respect these needs to maintain a balanced relationship.

Effective communication is a continuous journey with always room for improvement. Regularly evaluate how you communicate and remain open to making adjustments. Seek feedback from others and be flexible in your approach. Enhancing communication requires time and effort, so be patient with both yourself and those you interact with as you strive for better understanding and stronger connections.

By applying these strategies, you can elevate communication in your relationships, fostering deeper and more meaningful bonds. Remember, communication skills develop with consistent practice and dedication. Embrace this journey, stay committed, and observe how your relationships will thrive.

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Embracing Change: Why the End of Summer Is a Perfect Time to Start Therapy

As the days grow shorter and the warmth of summer begins to give way many of us find ourselves reflecting on the transition between seasons. This period of change isn't just about the weather; it's also a great opportunity for personal growth and self-care. One of the most impactful ways to embrace this shift is by starting therapy.

Summer, with its long days often represents a time of relaxation and freedom. It’s a season filled with vacations, outdoor activities, and a general sense of ease. As the season turns, however, there's a natural shift in energy. The approach of fall, with its routines and renewed focus, presents an ideal backdrop for introspection and self-improvement.

This transition offers a symbolic fresh start. Just as the leaves change color and fall to the ground, it’s a chance to let go of what no longer serves you and prepare for new growth. It’s the perfect moment to consider making meaningful changes in your life, such as starting therapy. As summer ends, many people return to more structured routines. This shift can make it easier to integrate therapy into your weekly schedule. Establishing a routine around therapy sessions can help you stay committed and make progress. The end of summer is a great time to prioritize self-care as you shift from a season of external activities to a period of internal reflection. Therapy is a form of self-care that can help you better understand yourself, address challenges, and enhance your overall well-being.

As summer fades and fall approaches, it’s a natural time to embrace change and new beginnings. Starting therapy can be a powerful way to harness the energy of the season and set the stage for personal growth and transformation. By taking this step, you’re not only preparing for the challenges ahead but also investing in your overall well-being and happiness. Embrace the shift and make this transition a positive turning point in your life. Your future self will thank you for the courage and commitment you’ve shown to your mental health and personal development.

Call or email today for a free 15-minute consultation or to schedule an appointment,

Peace and Love,

Tyler Jasper, M.A., LCPC

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