Motherhood and Capacity: Embracing your Boundaries with Self-Compassion.
Motherhood is often idealized, portrayed as a blissful experience full of joy, love, and connection. Yet, the reality is far more complex. A crucial, often overlooked aspect of motherhood is the concept of “capacity.” But what does it really mean to have capacity as a mother, and how can understanding it empower mothers to navigate their journey more effectively?
Defining Capacity
Capacity, when it comes to motherhood, is about the emotional, physical, and mental energy a mother has to care for both her kids and herself. It's the ability to nurture, support, and meet her child’s needs while also making sure she’s taking care of her own well-being. When a mom understands and recognizes her capacity, it can lead to stronger, healthier relationships with her kids and herself.
It's important for us to realize that capacity is not limitless. It can be influenced by factors such as stress, mental health, and life circumstances. Mothers who acknowledge their emotional limits are better equipped to seek support, whether through friends, family, or professional help. Mothers often juggle multiple roles—caretaker, employee, partner—leading to fatigue and burnout and understanding your individual capacity means recognizing when to rest, recharge, and prioritize self-care.
By honoring these limits, mothers can better serve their families and themselves. Recognizing when mental capacity is stretched thin can help mothers step back and reassess priorities. Techniques such as mindfulness, organization, and delegating tasks can alleviate the mental load.
If You Don’t Have Compassion for You, Who Will?
Mothers often struggle with guilt or feelings of inadequacy when they feel their capacity isn’t enough. It’s important to practice self-compassion in these moments. Every mom has limits, and it’s okay to ask for help. Prioritizing self-care and accepting that it’s normal to have days when capacity feels low can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling motherhood journey.
Building Capacity
Self-Awareness: Regularly check in with yourself to assess emotional, physical, and mental capacity. Journaling can be a helpful tool for reflection.
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to commitments that drain your energy. Protecting your time and space is vital for maintaining capacity. A simple phrase I am learning to use is, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have capacity for this today, this week, this month, etc”
Seek Support: Whether through family, friends, or professional resources, don’t hesitate to lean on others when needed. It’s important to know that family members can often be helpful in certain contexts and can be the thing that we find draining. It’s OK to ignore phone calls, or limit conversations with certain people when you are trying to seek support that will help you feel restored. This is where a therapist is super helpful. A therapist is your time and no one can disrupt your weekly hour.
Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care part of your routine, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. This can replenish your capacity over time.
Embrace Imperfection: Understand that motherhood is not about perfection. Celebrate small victories and learn from challenges. Listen, being a mother is no joke and we have to pace ourselves, we have to give ourselves grace, and we have to understand that there is no such thing as a perfect mother. We all try our best!
Conclusion
Understanding capacity as a mother is essential for fostering a healthy, nurturing environment for both children and oneself. By recognizing emotional, physical, and mental limits, mothers can approach their role with more compassion and awareness. Motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs, and embracing this journey—capacity and all—can lead to deeper connections and a more fulfilling experience. Remember, it’s not about doing it all; it’s about doing what you can and being kind to yourself along the way. If you or someone you know needs support around the challenges of motherhood, reach out today.
Thanks,
Tyler
